I recently had the opportunity to observe a music therapy group that works specifically with children and adolescents with autism or other developmental delays. I watched as the therapist sang songs with the children about feelings and helped the students practice good communication and listening skills with their peers.
After observing the elementary aged children, it was time for the middle schoolers. The therapist let us (the observers) know that the middle schoolers might be more slow to open up and start talking. As a parent of a 12 and 14 year old, this was not a new concept for me.
Once the group got going and sharing and talking about more complex emotions and coping skills, I watched the children take turns sharing. And then I witnessed something so uniquely simple.
One of the girls in the group was trying to share what she felt when she got scared. The student sitting beside her was listening intently and then when it was her turn she simply looked at her fellow student and said, "What?"
"What?"
It is such a simple and complete question. This student was simply giving her neighbor feedback to say, "I didn't understand what you meant, can you say it again?" She did not make assumptions, she did not judge, she did not try to put words in anybody's mouth. She was simply curious about what the other student was saying and asked her to say more.
The interaction between these two students was rooted in authenticity, trust, and curiosity. They were not worried about what others thought; their egos did not have any hidden agenda; they simply were themselves, fully present, and interested in what eachother had to say.
I thought a lot about this interaction. What would it look like if we were all more authentic? Okay, maybe there are some people that we wish would be less authentic...But really, what if we could simply exist with one another, trust eachother and practice curiosity with our friends, neighbors, colleagues, or even our political rivals? Think about the very productive and interesting conversations we might have if we stopped assuming and started asking for more information.
We obviously have very big opportunities to do this more on national or global levels which gets complex very quickly. But if we think about what is right in front of us, doesn't this happen in the workplace all the time? We make assumptions based on our own beliefs about what somebody meant or what their motivations might have been. We then fuel our own frustrations and sometimes even anger unnecessarily, wasting valuable time and energy that could be put into building up our colleagues or our organizations (or time we could go running, instead ... yep, I had to go there!).
Seriously, though...what I saw between these middle school students was beautiful and simple and so incredibly powerful.
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